Pass
2014-11-23 -- 12:50 p.m.e

I went out and got drunk with my friends last night. It's sad but sometimes it's the only time I can talk really honest with him. I've spent years being confused by girls with self esteem and confidence issues. I've never been conceited , just very aware of my own worth. It's amazing what gaining some weight and taking a semester off of school has done to me. I've never felt fat before, not since I was a 13 year old girl sticking my finger down my throat and even then that was really about something else. I have also never felt dumb before, I mean in fleeting moments that eventually just go away yes. But now I just feel dumb and purposeless. So, I told him that in my own drunken way. I don't think he said anything. Just sighed, like usual. Eventually I just fell asleep.

I don't like to tell him things that might change his idea of me. It's been 7 years and I still have a hard time expressing anything.

But sometimes it just feels like it's gone. I don't even know what. But something.

next -- previous