"I hope in the next life I find you sooner."
2021-03-29 -- 11:43 a.m.

Today I'm a little more sad.

Sad because for the first time this goodbye seems like it will probably be forever.

He blocked me on all social media. Which honestly I think is a good thing. It makes me feel like he took all my words to heart.

I think we are connected in a way that I can't even explain. Like a connection that words don't exist for. Outside the realm of maybe this universe and maybe time altogether.

But we just didn't get it right in this lifetime. And now I'm really starting to think maybe we weren't supposed to.

I'm sorry. I really am. I don't want to hurt you & I promise this hurts me too.

I wish I could I say more, but the truth is that I've already said it all. I promised to tell you when I knew and I am. This is me doing that now. I have always been honest with you.

I can't. I can't do this. I can't continue this. Not when I finally know in my heart now. I honestly do feel so much for you. But I can't, I'm sorry. I love him too much, I love my life too much. I can't jeopardize that. I can't selfishly hang on to both of you. I can't keep you in this in between. I know that will sting to read, but I need you to know that. I need you to know why.

I'm always going to root for you. I'm always going to hope you get everything you want to out of life.

I know we can't be friends. But I so wish I could be in the background of your life seeing all the amazing things you accomplish & do.

Thank you for everything, Cole. I'm so so glad you I got to know you. I feel lucky, more than I could ever explain. You're always going to be so very special to me.

Know that this- it's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Tuck me away okay? It's time.

I hope one day many, many years from now we sit down for coffee again. And I hope we pull out pictures of the lives we led. The lives we allowed the other to have, because we were brave enough to move on.

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