?
2019-05-26 -- 10:12 p.m.

I had a really crazy vivid dream last night. You called me because you needed me. Something happened and you guys separated- you fell into this deep depression. So I came and we talked and I listened, there was a lot to the dream and it seemed so real that when I woke up I couldn’t distinguish it between a memory or just a dream. But the thing that got me was during the dream we were in your room (I was never actually in your room) and your mom knocked on the door and I didn’t know what to do so I hid. Even though there was no reason to hide because nothing we were doing was wrong. And when your mom came into the room she lifted the blanket I was hiding under and hugged me. She hugged me and said, “I am so glad to see you. I’ve been so worried about him. I almost called you myself.” When I woke up after that I literally felt like I was going to cry. I don’t why this happens to me or where this buried at subconsciously, but it really gets me sometimes. When I finally woke up enough to realize the dream was a dream and not memory, I just started thinking about all those weird buried memories. When you break up or end things with someone you get this ending. People toss you out and throw you away, but for us that never existed. We were always this weird in between. Like that picture of us your mom kept on the fridge that she took from your birthday. My hair pulled loosely in pig tails sitting next to you on a bench, both of us laughing hard- me at the camera and your eyes fixed on me. “I had to print this one,” I remember her saying. When did she know to finally toss it out or throw it away?

next -- previous