i don't know who i am without you, all i know is that i should.
2010-09-25 -- 10:01 p.m.

i haven't cried, until now.

he texts me something, trying to get my attention. to hurt me, because i am hurting him. and i reason with him and i reassure him, trying to make him feel better.

but then i think myself and i think WHY WERE YOU NEVER THERE ALL THOSE TIMES YOU HURT ME? and i think about all the times i cried myself to sleep and all the meals i missed, because if i ate i'd just throw it all back up. i remember the worst birthday of my life and i remember how everytime i bring anything up you ask me not to, because you tell me that's not you anymore.

well, maybe that's not you and maybe you have no ties with that person anymore. but i still feel all the hurt that little girl who loved you so much felt. i may not be the same girl i was then, but i remember. and sometimes my breath still catches and my eyes still feel with tears, because that girl was hurt so bad. all because of you.

i know that you've changed. we're jason and sue ellen. we've built a whole life for ourselves. we have the same friends, the same life, our lives are dependent on eachother. i won, i got you. but i lost myself in the process. i don't even know who i am anymore. i'm so lost.

and all i can say is, "maybe it was just my job to teach you. the next girl you date is going to be lucky, she will have the perfect you all the way through."

next -- previous