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2013-07-16 -- 3:30 p.m.

i don't understand why people feel like they need to be happy all the time. the world isn't going to end if you aren't and it isn't completely abnormal to have a bad day or week or even month. this incessant need we all have to feel bliss or be entertained or fulfilled at all moments of the day is just beyond me. and why people can't seem to make themselves happy or have to be attached at the hip with someone to feel any kind of self worth is honestly mind blowing to me.

this summer hasn't been the greatest, but i didn't really expect it to be. my birthday is in a few weeks and it feels so surreal to be turning 23. i wonder if that's why i don't want to celebrate it. but really my lack of enthusiasm for celebrating my birth has more to do with the fact that year after year my birthday always just sucks. perhaps my expectations are too high. i mean, who am i to think that people could just take a day to put all their shit away and just focus on the fact that i am a pretty okay person and at least a blast in a glass when i'm drunk and celebrate with me. but it's always a fail and instead of sobbing and throwing a drunken tantrum (which is probably the only emotion i ever show) this year, i think it would be simpler to just to forget the whole charade.

i'm tired of telling people the truth only to have it thrown right back in my face. i'm tired of being the bad guy, the scapegoat, and the bitch. when all i ever fucking am is just honest.

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