at least i have three furbabies to look after.
2013-06-26 -- 7:38 p.m.

my mother has drilled into my whole life how important it is to depend on yourself and no one else. even though i wish i were different it is extraordinarily hard for me to let myself need anyone or to understand that people in my life need me. it's something that as i grow older i am better at understanding, but it is still a process and something i struggle with.

there are few people in my life that i have allowed myself to get close to. but when i have all i've ever wanted to do was take care of them, to keep them close.

six years ago i could tell you needed something, that like me you kept people at arms length. there was something missing there, a permanent state of lonely that you couldn't fix. so, i fixed it, i fixed you. it took me a long time and i worked really hard, but i did it. and in return you somehow managed to fix me too.

i'm not at all prepared for you to go to france, for the amount of loneliness i will feel without you here. taking care of you has become some habitual it's almost like it is part of me. that will be the hardest, to see you surviving across an entire ocean without me.

next -- previous