Roses & sacrifice
2021-03-19 -- 12:28 a.m.

I was this little angelic girl. Who spoke quietly and carefully. I didn't drink too much (at least in the beginning) or get crazy or do anything to draw too much attention to myself. I laughed at all your jokes and I listened when you talked. I was always there to care about you and I reallysaw you (when no one else did). That was me.

But I grew up.

My hair and eyes might be the same, but everything behind those two things is different now. I'm assertive and intimidating. I laugh all the time but only when things are really funny. I've seen the world. I literally run shit.

Jason has always let me be me. Even when the me wasn't the best version of myself. He let me have the autonomy to do what I needed in order to get to where I was trying to go. Even when that meant going out 3 times a week with my friends during that quarter life crisis. Or spending 3 months in a different state when I wanted a new job. He let me travel and see parts of the world without him. He doesn't bat an eye when I decide to paint the bathroom a different color at 10pm. He just makes sure there's always extra garbage bags in the car in case I drink too much when we visit our friends. And i say "let" in lose terms. Because really he's just always been good at loving every version of me. He cared less about me drifting and more about me knowing there was an anchor always there (when I needed it).

I don't know that girl you placed up so high on the pedestal all those years ago. She outgrew the shelf a very long time ago.

And to think I could still be her.

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