life though.
2016-04-20 -- 4:59 p.m.

adulthood is hard.

even though I'm 25 I have really only felt like an adult sense we moved. I run a store now, I have a mortgage now, we spend our weekends cleaning and taking care of our yard.

I get this really heavy ache of nostalgia all the time.

being so mellow and chill all the time was fine when I was 19-20, not having a general sense of where I was going. But now I just realize I lack ambition. it's not as if I don't work hard. I have always done that. I always took more classes than required, in the summer I worked two jobs and took online classes, I started grad school and took on a manager job at the same time, and now I work 75 hours a week. But I never know what I'm working so hard for, other than a paycheck. What is all this going to accomplish me?

There were times in my life when I wanted to be things: a journalist, public relations, a professor, hold some kind of government office. there are many days I think about how different my life would be had it not been for Jason. I don't regret the life we've built, but there are times when it just doesn't feel like me.

In all honesty I probably should have just joined the peace corps, I should be in Uganda helping orphan babies or building houses in Uruguay. But you know life is life and it really isn't so bad. And really when do people ever do or have exactly what they want? Sometimes you just get what you get, but you decide how to deal with it.

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